As 2018 came to a close and I looked ahead to goals I had for myself, one thing was a common thread; I would not let fear hold me back. Fear of not feeling worthy, fear of asking for help, fear of not being good enough. I would set out to make 2019 the year to stop making excuses for why “I can’t…” and instead make “I can” my mantra.
I follow a lot of colorful bloggers on instagram; @hotpinkpinapples, @awhimsywonderland and @aww.sam to name a few. They style the most magical, colorful FUN photos that always leave me envious. One specifically comes to mind; @aww.sams Palm Springs elopement photos that left me wanting to marry my husband all over again. She wore a perfectly pink vintage prom dress that complimented his pastel pink suit like a match made in heaven. They rented a pink Cadillac that could only be described as the cherry on top of this, dare I say ‘perfect’ twice in the same paragraph, PERFECT PHOTOSHOOT.
How I yearned to be a part of a photoshoot such as this. Fun, colorful, vintage, practically perfect. But thoughts of why I couldn’t pull something like this off were the first to enter my mind. But then I thought of who I wanted to be in 2019 and said to myself “I CAN do this.”
Other than my own fears, there was no reason why I couldn’t pull off my own version of this shoot.
In October, by chance I got to stand in for a model who canceled last minute and I got to work with a handful of incredibly talented local ladies. A photographer, makeup artist, and florist came together for a spooky skeleton shoot that was a huge success.
I decided I wouldn’t let fear hold me back from asking these ladies if they would want to work together again. I had never planned a styled shoot. I feared I didn’t have a large enough platform backing me to ask for these ladies to use their talents to see through MY vision. But following my own advice I asked anyways. Within minutes I had them on board, excited to work together again.
This was months in the making. I lined up a teal Hot Rod to drive us to the beach, granted weather would permit. I tracked down a matching vintage dress and suit. I begrudgingly convinced my husband to be in on this… I only had to kind of threaten to rent an instagram husband for the day to get him to agree. Coordinating with nearly 7 people was like a huge puzzle that consumed a lot of my energy. But I could see how it would be worth it. I felt so strongly about what we could create together.
A week out I started to hit some road bumps. And although I felt a bit deflated, I decided it was okay. I could navigate a slightly different course.
3 days out, it was apparent we would have to take a very literal “rain check”. 100% chance of rain all weekend. It took almost everything in me to not be completely crushed. My heart was so set on this vision that had consumed me for months. But here is where the magic happed. The photographer texted me that she bought 2 cute umbrellas for the weekend. She was still willing to try and see my vision through. I knew the car was out of the equation at this point as my car guy made it very clear he would not take his Hot Rod out in the rain. We shifted gears, yes that is my second and last car pun, and opted for an indoor “lifestyle” shoot instead. The makeup artist was flexible to do makeup at an earlier time to accommodate for better morning lighting for an indoor shoot.
I put on a t-shirt and jeans, snuggled up with my hubby in our home, with our dog, while the rain poured buckets outside. And my heart was so damn full. I may not have gotten my perfectly planned photoshoot that I envisioned for so long, but I got something better. I learned when it rains, it pours, when your tested and surrounded by the right people, after the storm you just might find yourself a rainbow.
My vintage car shoot will come, in due time, but had I not had to take this detour, (sorry last car pun) I would have missed this:
“God Bless the Broken Road…” Oh Lord stop me. “Jesus take the wheel!” Ok, NOW I'm done.